I hope. I dream. I worry.

My little Jake is not so little anymore. He's growing up so fast. He has always been a happy go lucky kind of a guy. He's happy to be a part of the action no matter what it is. He's friendly and kind and gets along with most anyone. He is quick to make friends. He doesn't discriminate. He makes me laugh. He talks my ear off. He loves Star Wars. He loves his family and friends. He loves to write books and still talks about being an author and an illustrator like Eric Carle. He loves High School Musical and all of the songs. He loves to go to the movies with me and get popcorn and laugh out loud and yell "ewwww!" at the theater's cheesy don't litter movie clip. He's a ham!! He is loud! He is my munchin, my Jacob. My friend and my baby.

But now he is growing up and he is experiencing a new emotion. Embarrassment. He's never been embarrassed once in his little life. He just laughs it off and doesn't worry about it. Now he is experiencing this new emotion. This mean emotion that just breaks my heart. He has never been very coordinated or daring. I remember him being so careful on the playground. He would timidly tap his toe on the bridge testing to see if it was safe. Playing with wild abandonment is not how you would describe Jake.

Because of this awkwardness, I signed him up for a beginning tumbling class. I wanted to encourage him to be confident with his body. I want him to be strong. I want him to learn balance and some coordination. He was excited about it. He loved it! He looked forward to it. Then it hit hard today. He didn't want to go because he couldn't do a cartwheel and he was embarrassed and he was sobbing. It breaks my heart to see him hurt. I got a glimpse of it earlier this week when we were at the park. I told him that I would help him climb through a tricky tire swing ladder and he got brave and started to do it and quit almost immediately. He tapped his toe in and then pull it out and said that he was stuck. Then I saw some feet dangling down. They weren't Jake's. A little girl didn't want to wait for him to decide and butted in front of him. Not worried about it at all, I decided that it was time to leave. He followed me to the car quietly and when I turned around, I saw the tears. He said that he was embarrassed about it. A hug and a love and telling him not to worry, we can practice it some other time and I didn't give it another thought. Oh, it hurts to see him hurt.

I explained to him that tumbling class is where he will learn how to do cartwheels and we will practice together but that he needed to go and he needed to work on it. I took him to the store hand in hand and let him chose any treat he wanted. I listened to his stories and snuggled him close. He chose popcorn chicken with not one, but two fry sauces. He hugged me and declared this the best day of his life, minus the crying. Oh if it were so easy.

I feel that I can't let him quit. He just can't. He needs to learn to stick with something, even if it is hard. To work through it. He won't be perfect, this I know. I worry because I have seen him quit on many little things that were a bit difficult for him. I hope that he succeeds and at the end of it all, I hope that he will feel proud of his accomplishments knowing that he worked for it. I dream that he will become a fine young man. Confident and humble. I worry about him and I love him more than anything else.

*Jacob, 4 years old.

Be brave little Jacob. You can do this. You can learn. You are strong. I will always be there to snuggle you and cheer you on no matter how old you become.